"I want someone to take care of me..."

You've got someone: You. Because no matter how great a daddy/mommy is, they're eventually going to move or get tired of you and find someone else, and by 'eventually' I mean in less than 2 years, on average.

The only one who is ever really going to take care of you is YOU. Everything else is just postponing the inevitable (see my post about shelf life).

Don't use the 'baby' part of  'sugar baby' to avoid the fact that you're a grown woman, or you wouldn't legally be allowed to have a profile on a sugar baby site. Daddies/mommies might help out with bills and occasionally buy something for you, but who pays for the dentist, takes you to the doctor or the grocery store, and makes you do all those reps at the gym?

In the end, it's all you.

Sugar Speak: How to Translate

Because prostitution is illegal in most states/countries, there is only so much that sugar babies and daddies/mommies can say - at least online. You can say that you expect an allowance, but not offer a particular sex act for a certain dollar amount. As a result, there are code words that you should know.

Also under the heading of things that you should know: Words and phrases that telegraph things that you might not intend.

I'll keep adding to this list as things occur to me. If you think of some, please share them in the 'Comments'.

• I’m a proud dog/cat mommy: I have more pets than friends and zero social skills.
• I like to explore new restaurants: Either I can't afford groceries or those pics you’re looking at were taken before my sudden and ongoing weight gain.
• I like to adventure: I have no concept of grammar.
• Spoil me and I’ll spoil you: I am a full-on hooker and expect to be treated accordingly.
• I’m not like the other girls: Yes, you are. Trust me.
• I like to shop: I’m going to treat you like an ATM.
• I’m a classy girl/woman: No one with class ever says the word ‘classy’.
• Platonic: Next.
• Marriage-minded: 90% of the guys looking at this are already married. Here’s a tip: You’re not going to find a good husband/wife on a sugar baby site. Ever. (See ‘Richard Gere’.)
• Open-minded: You can do whatever you want, provided you pay for it.
• I like to have fun: You will have deeper conversations with a cabbage. May also mean, 'Maybe I'll sleep with you if you buy me everything I deserve because I'm pretty and a spa day to help me stay that way so I can appeal to the next pot-bellied Romeo who comes after you. Or maybe not. I don't want things to feel transactional. Maybe we should take a cruise to get to know each other. Separate cabins, of course.'
• Princess: Self-focused diva doesn't even begin to describe how needy I am.

Dealing with Sex (as Quickly and Briefly as Possible)

In the good old days, sugar babies often served as arm candy for closeted gay men. Today, not so much. That means that you have to deal with the subject of sex, and I don’t mean lying there and letting him do what he’s gonna do. If sugar daddies wanted that, they’d go home to their wives (who are already paid for).

Ditto for 'platonic' relationships, which consist of sitting in cafes, coffee shops, restaurants, and bars waiting for sugar daddies/mommas that never show up.

Sugar daddies expect you to make the first move, second move, and every other move. If you don’t know many good tricks (or any), learn some (see notes and links in future posts; when in doubt, Google is your friend). Like any other job, getting good at this takes practice.

You can’t wait for the daddy to indicate that they want sex - by then, they’re already frustrated (again, they can get that at home). Your whole job is dedicated to giving them what they can’t get at home - ACFGO: 

• Attention
• Conversation
• Flirting
• Gratitude
• Oral Sex

If you specialize in older clients, you already know that the basic ickyness of the age difference balances against the fact that they expect sex less often, don’t have the energy (or the joints) for anything involving a trapeze, and are just grateful that someone pays attention to them who isn’t in their will. Old customers don’t mind shopping, they appreciate being appreciated, and even a tiny bit of flattery goes a long way.

Check out the sugar baby dating sites  - it’s easy to see that the sugar babies who make the most money and seem the most comfortable focus on older men.

If this isn’t for you, the next best demographic to focus on is daddies that work ridiculous hours, otherwise known as entrepreneurs. Their first loyalty is to their job/company, which is why they're estranged from their families. You are just what passes for social interaction so they don’t start talking to themselves. Interactions will tend to be brief, focused, and simple: Dinner and a fuck - and a monthly allowance, of course - and then your time is your own again.

Rule #9: Make sure someone knows where you are AT ALL TIMES!

It’s not a coincidence that serial killers prey on sex workers more than any other victim type. More than 1 out of every 5 their victims fall in this category.

It's easy to see why: Women tend to be less physically strong than men, are less likely to carry weapons, and sugar babies (who often need to be discreet) are less likely to scream or let someone know who they’re out with and/or where. And sex workers - yes, including sugar babies - are less likely to be missed.

Hard to pick a more likely target than that.

It’s not just about meeting a potential daddy/mommy in public the first time. Most people are terrible judges of character, and even a creep can usually keep it together over a cup of coffee. Just ask Ted Bundy’s dates, many of whom thought he was charming, only you can’t because they’re all dead.

1. Be smart. Only meet in public, and in places where there are cameras. Get your date's real name, occupation, and at least a rough idea of where they live. Text it to someone you trust while still on the first date.

2. Be prepared. Carry mace and/or a taser, if your state allows it. Carry an airhorn, a rape whistle, or some other siren if it doesn't. A box cutter can be handy, too. Guns are too easily seized by attackers.

3. Plan your check-ins. Let a relative or a friend know where you're going (even if not with whom or why). Use an app so someone you trust can see where you are at all times. Let them know when you plan to be home, and text them if you are running late.

Does this seem a little much? Think of it as basic workplace safety. Would you rather be slightly embarrassed or have your remains end up in a barrel filled with acid or concrete?

Unfortunately, those are the only two choices currently available.

Photos

• Only post one. More sends the message that you are either a) self-obsessed, or b) lack self-confidence.
• Wear a dress. If you’re not the type who wears dresses, wear something that clearly shows your shape. Lingerie is too on the nose; you want to show that you’re good arm candy.
• Use proper lighting. What's the point of a photo where you can't be seen?
• No nudes, even as private shots. First, because every loser in the world will bug you to get a look at them, and second, you don’t have to. Leave something as a surprise, something that he can look forward to seeing with his own eyes, and not something that makes you seem like a webcam girl (even if you are one).
• Never use a photo that includes another woman. You don't want comparisons. Even if you think you're more attractive than your friend, how does a potential daddy tell which one is you?
• Never in a bathroom (this should be obvious, but clearly isn’t). 
• Your eyes send a message. If you have brilliant blue or green eyes, look at the camera. If not, look to the side and away if you want to look intelligent, down and away if you’re submissive, and up and away if you are a) flighty, b) a heavy drinker, c) posing for your yearbook, or d) wishing you were anywhere but on this website. 
• No selfies. They scream ‘I’m desperate, here!’. 
• Be outdoors. Everyone looks better in natural light.
• Act your age. If you add animal ears or whiskers or stars or big eyes or other filters or memes to your photo, you are mentally too young (and childish) to be on a sugar baby website.
• Never in a messy room. Pay attention to the background of the shot, it says a lot about you.
• Settings send a message. A garden, old building, beach, museum, or somewhere else that you want to go is perfect. It says: “I have expectations about what you will provide, and I’m used to getting what I expect.”

What Being a Sugar Baby Is - and Isn’t

You’re not going to want to hear this, but it’s a fact, and avoiding facts doesn’t change them: Being a sugar baby is prostitution.

Okay, let’s refine that a bit - it’s prostitution with raisins on top, because you and the Sugar Daddy or Sugar Momma have an 'arrangement', right? And aren’t all relationships, including marriage, transactional to some degree? This one just comes ‘without all the drama’, just like it says on the box. And if you go about it right, it’s probably not even illegal.

But no matter where you dine, shop, or vacation together - no matter how you dress that pig - in the end, there is an expectation on one side that fucking will occur and on the other side that funds/and or material goods will be provided.

So: Prostitution Lite. This is because of one simple fact:

Rule #1. All sugar daddies/sugar mommas expect sex. Some just lie about it in order to trick you into fucking them.

The fact is, almost every man (or any other gender you care to name) who is interested in sugar babies is interested for one reason:

Rule #2: Sugar babies - especially newbies - are 1,000 times more likely to fuck for free than a hooker.

Hookers understand the transactional nature of their profession. They - of course - expect to be compensated for their time and efforts, and heaven help the customer who tries to leave without paying.

Sugar daddies / sugar mommies are customers. Most are going to try to get something from you for nothing, mostly because 90% of them are just as broke as you are, which brings us to another hard truth:

Rule #3: There is only one Richard Gere, and he’s married.

Sorry - that’s an old reference, but it’s still true.

You’re going to have to slog your way through dozens if not hundreds of posers and losers. They are going to say they have money, connections, friends in whatever industry you mention, and a hundred other lies, all to get into your pants.

How can you tell?

Truly wealthy people take money for granted. In their world, it’s like air. How often do you talk about the atmosphere? If a man/woman talks about money, it’s because they have none (or his/her daddy or mommy has some, which is even worse - but more on that later).

So, knowing that your chances of actually finding a man with money are nil, and that you’re going to get frustrated with all of the jerks and worse that are out there, and maybe even get cheated out of what little money you have, why in the world would you want to be a sugar baby?

For most of you reading this, it’s probably and unfortunately because you have no other choice. You’re a single mom without marketable skills or much of an education, you’re smothering under a mountain of debt because no one taught you how to handle your money or credit, or you can’t make rent or afford groceries or much of anything else. Being a sugar baby is your last, desperate, you-hope-temporary-and-not-dangerous chance.

I wish I could say it’s all going to work out fine, but the odds of that happening aren’t good. The best I can do is give you at least some of the tools you need, encourage you to make the best decisions you can, and hope for the best.

Rule #4: No mommy or daddy will commit to an arrangement on paper.

The ugly truth is, if your daddy/mommy throws you over for a newer model, there’s nothing you can do, legally (unless you cohabitate, in which case consult a local divorce attorney regarding common law marriage or ‘palimony’ statutes in your state). Your ‘arrangement’ is all about them, in the end, and they can throw up their hands and make it disappear in the blink of an eye.

If yours was a discreet affair, you can always threaten exposure, but blackmail is ugly and sometimes fatal, if what your mommy/daddy stands to lose costs more than a contract killing or months or years of harassment.

Breakups can and often do get ugly. You’re dealing with a human being, the most vicious and destructive species on the planet. Remember that.

What’s the Shelf Life of a Sugar Baby?

This is something that often appears in sugar babies' 'Want' lists: Mentoring. They want to know how to get ahead in the world and become, if not wealthy, at least comfortable. What should they invest in? Who should they be friends with? Which daddy/mommy can open doors and help them avoid the ladder's rungs altogether?

But there's a more basic question that they should all be asking. Unlike the questions above, it's not about magical fairy dust, and it has a profound effect on every single sugar baby in the world that none of them want to face:

How long does a major league pitcher’s career last?

This is determined by a few key factors: The pitcher’s ability to throw strikes, the pitcher’s cost versus the cost of younger pitchers, and the supply of new pitchers in the pipe. The more up-and-coming pitchers, the greater the pressure for early retirement.

Add on the simple facts of aging and the likelihood that an untested rookie won’t have the contract-negotiating prowess (or the agent) that an older player can afford (which means he’ll cost less, at least in the beginning), and things don’t look good for a long career. The fact that many fans just like to see new faces in the bullpen only makes matters worse.

So: 32 years old is probably the best that you can hope for, no matter how great you (still) look or how many languages you speak. There is simply too much competition from the hundreds of 20-something, dumber, cheaper babies to attract daddies/mommies if you're older than that.

That’s a pretty short career, especially if you’re starting late. You need to get in, stake out your customer(s), reach an agreement or agreements, and maximize your return on investment (your time, education, fitness, wardrobe, physical maintenance, etc.) before the bell rings.

It takes careful planning and decisions based on what makes the most sense for your business rather than what and how you feel, but it’s not impossible.

How many cosmetologists does the world need?

Not as many as cosmetology schools churn out - and those are just the ones that actually graduate. But isn’t it odd that half of all would-be sugar babies want to go to cosmetology school, are in cosmetology school, or are practicing cosmetologists?

Could it be that cosmetology doesn’t pay well?

Rule #8: Every sugar baby is (or wants to be) a cosmetologist. (Or an artist, which pays even less.)

File this post under 'mentoring'. It's a really important one, and one that you really need to think through and make a difficult decision about.

Ready? Here goes:

In the U.S., the average cosmetologist makes just $29,590 per year (or $14.23 per hour, which isn’t even the minimum wage in some cities). Tips - if you earn any - only add 20% more, tops. That gets us to $17.08 per hour.

How well do you think you can live for $17.08 an hour? Assuming apartment rent is $850 (and a lot more than that for most cities... at least, if you want a decent place where theft, muggings, and murders don’t happen every day), a monthly payment on a cheap car is $250, food is… well, let’s do the math:

Category	Amount	Balance
Monthly income	$2,732	$2,732
Rent	($850)	$1,882
Utilities	($200)	$1,682
Car payment	($250)	$1,432
Gas	($120)	$1,312
Food	($480)	$832
School loan	($280)	$552
Health insurance	($440)	$112
Other expenses	($100)	$12
Entertainment	($12)	$0

How much entertainment can you get with $12 a month? Not much. And throw even one baby or pet in the equation, and you end up in the hole - exactly the problem that going to school was supposed to fix.

The takeaway: Aim higher.

Cosmetology sounds like fun, but cosmetologists/aestheticians tend to be poor because the supply far exceeds the demand.

If you want to make a comfortable living - one that won’t be completely thrown off track by missing a day of work or buying a pair of jeans (that’s right - the budget above doesn’t include one thin dime for clothes) - go to a trade school and become a welder (US$39,260), an electrician (US$51,708), or a dental hygienist (US$67,670).

That's how you get ahead.

Rule #7: Make your daddy/mommy provide recent STD test information BEFORE anything happens in bed.

Sooner or later, you will probably have sex with your sugar daddy/mommy. And because of the nature of sugar daddies/mommies, chances are good that they’ve had sex with lots of other people, some of whom may have left them a parting gift:

 Sexually transmitted disease(s).

You don’t want those, right? Well, the only way to make sure that your daddy/mommy doesn’t give them to you is for them to get tested, and we don't mean the one they took three months ago.

This is a non-negotiable part of your arrangement. If they refuse, no arrangement is possible, because 

A) They’ve just proven that they can’t be trusted, and 

B) The only reason that a reasonable person would refuse a test is that they are afraid they won't pass.

Your health is too important to risk. Some STD’s have no cure and others are potentially fatal. Why take a chance, when there are plenty of other reasonable potential daddies and mommies to choose from?

Rule #6: Have good hygiene. All over. All the time.

Bad breath is a deal breaker, even for an existing arrangement. Go to the dentist for regular cleanings. Brush and floss after every meal even if you can’t afford the dentist. Use mouthwash, and be aware of eating foods with strong odors, such as garlic, onions, vinegar-based dressings, popcorn, and so on.

Remember, if you find a smell offensive in someone else’s mouth, it’s probably as bad or worse in yours.

You have a lot of competition, and they all look and smell great. Which brings us to another point: If you wear perfume, a drop behind each ear is plenty. If your sugar daddy/momma can smell you from across the room, they’re going to gag when you get close, and you/they will come across as cheap if you’re meant to be arm candy. 

With perfume, less is always more.

Bathe often, which means at least every other day, and be sure to wash your feet (any body part shoved into a dark leather or canvas container for an entire day is going to smell funky when it comes out, and not in a good way).

And make sure your backside is at least as clean as your front, okay?

Rule #5: Never host.

A key factor in being an effective and sane sugar baby is keeping your ‘sugar life’ separate from your ‘real’ life. Do you really want your parents, siblings, boss, or friends to know that you’re a sugar baby? Do you want a jealous daddy showing up at school, your job, or your folks’ house looking for you? Or more than one showing up at the same place at the same time?

Never give a daddy/mommy information that can be used to track you down. Don’t even tell him/her the name of your favorite restaurant if it’s a place that you ever go without him/her.

Aside from giving you some breathing space, this will help to keep you and the people close to you safe. Not all daddies/mommies are nice people. Some are creeps. Some are abusive. Some are actual serial killers.

Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

How much does an average sugar baby make?

According to Seeking Arrangement, the typical sugar daddy makes US$280,000 per year and spends US$2,800 of that per month on their babies’ allowance.

This does not include treats, perks, bonuses, or gifts.

That’s US$33,600 per year (assuming the daddy sticks it out for an entire year). Can you live comfortably on that? If not, how many hours can you afford to devote to it per week without cutting into your main job and your personal life?

Now you have a better idea what an arrangement should look like on your end, rather than letting a potential daddy/mommy set the terms.

Remember, an arrangement is not a legal agreement and isn't enforceable in court, so you have to establish your terms from day one and stick to them like glue. The daddy/mommy already holds almost all of the cards. Don't hand over the few cards you've got!

Who Wrote This, and Why Should I Listen?

I have a confession to make: I’ve never been a sugar daddy, nor a sugar baby. I have no plans to be either one, ever. As far as I’m aware, no one in my family has ever had an ‘arrangement’.

My interest in the subject grew out of a chapter in the book SuperFreakonomics (the sequel to the fascinating and insightful Freakonomics) regarding the sudden plethora of websites offering (primarily) women a better life for a little bit of their time and attention, and the realization that the promise was a lie and - worse - potentially physically and certainly financially dangerous.

Reading sugar baby bios makes it clear that the majority of the women ‘just trying it out’ - the real ones, rather than the fake profiles - have no idea what they are doing, even from a personal safety perspective, and are willing to risk more than they realize to get out from under debt, cover bills they can’t afford to pay, provide for their children, or live the life that they feel they deserve. 

You wouldn’t sign an employment contract without reading it first, right? Why should an ‘arrangement’ be any different? Your time costs money, but it’s up to you to ensure that you get it - and continue to get it until you decide it’s over.

The best way to avoid losing your shirt in any business (and being a sugar baby is a business, unless you aren’t looking for any money in exchange for what you have to offer, which frankly goes against the whole idea) is to know more than the competition - and more than the customer.

Knowing more, planning better, getting ahead. Isn’t this why you decided to become a sugar baby in the first place? That’s what this site is about.

My background is making businesses more productive, primarily by collecting and applying customer data to marketing, and building more efficient infrastructure, organizations, and processes. Once you understand what drives each performance indicator, most businesses are similar under the hood, regardless of what they sell. It takes time but surprisingly little effort to attract customers, figure out what you want, what you’re willing to sell to get it, and plan for the future so that you can get out before you exceed your shelf life (more on that later).

If this all sounds too transactional, being a sugar baby is not for you. What you’re looking for is a dating website (or a hookup website). Go in peace. If you’re still bound and determined to become a sugar baby, take a deep breath and start taking notes. It's dragons and sea serpents from here on.